Lately...

Life lately has been very, hectic. I've been having mild panic attacks and suffering from anxiety. I feel hopeless and helpless... Like I'm just not doing my best.
I've started back at school and am getting busy with that, and my summer job will soon be over in the next few days, so it's actually a blessing.
I haven't been getting much sleep lately and find myself tossing and turning, thinking about life.
I feel since I've begun to create my videos, I've bitten off more than I can chew. I want to be a huge part of the HD community, and love sharing my families story and my own trials and tribulations with my peers.
Thank you to all who have watched and enjoyed the videos. I am finding comfort in knowing that my voice is in some way being heard. I love being an inspirational individual to you all, and feel blessed that you care so much about my struggles, as I do yours.
Life feels like a never ending battle though. Not only am I having to deal with HD, but personal family issues have risen and are taking a toll on the entire family. I think trying to be strong for everyone is making me a tad bit frail... I have made a doctors appointment to diagnose the reasons for my anxiety, stress, and depression, but I feel I know the cause of it already.
Life seems so monotonous... Each day being exactly the same... Dealing each day with HD and normal life...
I've been thinking a lot lately about the fact that I am at risk for a terminal illness, and I think it's finally sunken in... Thinking that one day I will have to make a life changing decision. Which can only go one of two ways, I will be saved from HD or I will be handed my death sentence. The odds are not fair, but if you've seen the HD documentary about Mandy, she says, "What is fair?"...
We are all given a battle to face, a struggle to deal with, and a mountain to climb. But why does HD have to be anyones battle, struggle, or mountain? Each step taken forward seems to be followed by two steps back. I feel like I can't get ahead no matter how hard I try.
For being only 20 years young I am told I am wise beyond my years... That I have the heart and bravery of a Lion, yet I feel as gentle and frail as a lamb. I want to be a voice to be heard and a person to be recond with... I want to make a difference in this world and I know I will be, there is no doubt about that.
I appreciate being an inspiration and helping (you) get through your days as a person to seek guidance, support, and care from. But you all inspire me... Each day I wake up is a gift from somewhere, and something... And in most cases those who are in my shoes, and facing the same things as I am, and dealing with the same struggles as I do, are the reason I get out of bed in the morning.
We all have felt hopeless and helpless, like an ant under a magnifying glass, like life will never let up... But what I remind myself everyday of is the one day, this will be better. It just has to be. There's nothing lower than rock bottom, and the only place we can go is up!
So from me to you, I am here, and I care, and I will be your shoulder to lean on, as I would hope you would be mine...
HD will not break us down, it will build us up!

With lots of love,
Angela