Sinking Ships

Tomorrow I will be learning what my results for Huntington's disease are. At the beginning of March I took the dive to get my blood test done. After being hassled back and forth between doctor appointments, genetic counseling appointments, waiting on insurance approval and finally trying to get my blood test done not once but three times the day have finally come. I'm am terrified and I think it has just hit me tonight. I cannot believe that it is here. The moment I have waited half a lifetime for will happen at 3pm tomorrow. I feel like I'm already in a fog about hearing my results. I want to cry and let it all out now, but my emotions are still telling me to hang in there. I am fearful for my future and what life after tomorrow will be like. Am I going to shout my results for the rooftop like I thought I always would, or will it be locked lips? My mother, brother, boyfriend, grandparents and best friend will be there with me tomorrow. I believe that I will walk out holding my head up because that is what my dad would want me to do. I can't help but hear my friend Katie's voice in the back of my mind saying, "you can't take it back..." I wont want to, as for now. What will this do, or change? My family and friends are so positive that I will indeed be negative. How let down will they be if my results are positive? What will they do, or how will they react? I am terribly afraid for what tomorrow will bring... Please if you read this, keep me, my family and friends in your thoughts and prayers.