Brand new day, time to change the world.

Clearly this will be a positive post as today I learned my results for HD. It was blurted out by my genetic counselor like the words just could not stop themselves from running out of her mouth, "It's NEGATIVE!" We (mom, brother, boyfriend, grandma, best friend and myself) took about .002 seconds before we gasped in some air and began crying, sobbing like toddlers. This horrific experience will lead to amazing things. I know now that I will not become a person lost in my own body and memories, but by the grace of God have been given the chance to live without wondering "what if?". I will spend the next several days I'm sure grasping the concept that I am no longer at-risk and am able to continue on this life with a renewed sense of self being and self worth. I know I will continue speaking out and raising awareness for family and friends who are impacted so deeply by HD and continue to fight the good fight. My thoughts, prayers and time will forever be devoted to those who must suffer for us to find a cure. My emotions are in overdrive, I'm not sure if I should laugh, cry or go to bed.

Sinking Ships

Tomorrow I will be learning what my results for Huntington's disease are. At the beginning of March I took the dive to get my blood test done. After being hassled back and forth between doctor appointments, genetic counseling appointments, waiting on insurance approval and finally trying to get my blood test done not once but three times the day have finally come. I'm am terrified and I think it has just hit me tonight. I cannot believe that it is here. The moment I have waited half a lifetime for will happen at 3pm tomorrow. I feel like I'm already in a fog about hearing my results. I want to cry and let it all out now, but my emotions are still telling me to hang in there. I am fearful for my future and what life after tomorrow will be like. Am I going to shout my results for the rooftop like I thought I always would, or will it be locked lips? My mother, brother, boyfriend, grandparents and best friend will be there with me tomorrow. I believe that I will walk out holding my head up because that is what my dad would want me to do. I can't help but hear my friend Katie's voice in the back of my mind saying, "you can't take it back..." I wont want to, as for now. What will this do, or change? My family and friends are so positive that I will indeed be negative. How let down will they be if my results are positive? What will they do, or how will they react? I am terribly afraid for what tomorrow will bring... Please if you read this, keep me, my family and friends in your thoughts and prayers.